Drank the Kool Aid

July 20, 2017 | Uncategorized | Permalink

kool aidI did it, I drank the Kool Aid. I am a believer…now.

I signed on with Young Living and I LOVE it! Love, Love, Love it. I didn’t always believe, I always associated essential oils (EO) with Patchouli, to much, cheap patchouli at Grateful Dead shows. Gross. Then I was at work one day, was sick and a customer came in with another line of oils and proceeded to not only give me what she felt I needed, which was enough for my first experience, she had me smelling, ingesting and applying a plethora of others. 30 minutes later, after she was gone I was a hot mess. My heart rate was up, I was breathing uncomfortably and could not get enough water in me. Also, when I inquired about the initial oil applied to me , on how I could purchase a bottle I was told that I should just sign up because that’s the way it worked. Um, no. Told her I would consider it and then after getting sick(er) I threw out the literature she left me. A while later another gal came in the shop who was repping YL and wanted to come and do something at the shop. I immediately said no. I couldn’t handle the smells. At The Creative Wedge we began working with Kylene of Roses Ridge Farm and The Aromatherapy Shop and I started to think differently towards EO’s. Then I met Noelle and Stephanie (who happens to be the wife of one of my oldest friends). Noelle inquired about an event at the shop and I said, only if you sit outside. LOL. Well, guess what, they are coming to the shop this Saturday INSIDE. This will be the first of many EO events at The Wedge. By following Kylene’s facebook page, Roses Wellness Garden,  along with following “the girls”, Steph and Noelle, adventures I began to soften and become really interested in what they were doing and how EO’s worked. Barbara and I placed an order through her existing account and then I was hooked. I ended up signing on under Steph and got my kit. I didn’t bother setting up the Essential Rewards right away, that lasted a week. I immediately recognized the value in in that program. But I’ll save that for another blog post.

I actually have quite a lot to say about my oily adventure and could yammer on for an hour or more but alas, I cannot. Let me just say that this is a piece of my life’s puzzle that has been missing. I had a profound shift in my view of my business and my relationship with loved ones right at the time of discovering the value of EO’s. I am a believer in the Law of Attraction as well the setting of intentions. I love rituals and routines (I was probably a Catholic or a Voodoo Priestess in a former life), and I really love learning new things. I am excited to share with you my experiences and things I am learning along the way.

Peace out folks, I have a big day ahead of me! Work, sending gals to Kings Grant Farmers Market and a quick trip to RVA for the Supersuckers!!!!



July 11, 2017 | Uncategorized | Permalink


This may sound weird, but I am happy and I have a hard time expressing it. I can rant and rave for hours about this that and the other, but yet feel hokey saying I am happy. I mean come on, who is reeeaaallllyyyy happy? It can’t be true, you know you read other people’s posts and think they are making that sh*t up. No one is that happy. You’re convinced that that they are painting this picture perfect life that has got to be a hot mess in reality. But I swear to the universe that I AM HAPPY…and maybe still a hot mess.

I have to say I have got it going ON right now. I NEVER thought I could find happiness and contentment in life. Now I am not saying I won’t be a raging b*tch in a few hours about one thing or another, I do have PMS and my moods shift like the wind. You may also not believe that I never thought I could find contentment. I grew up a latch key kid I was very lonely, especially in the summer, undiagnosed PMDD and a long series of poor life choices had me in a whirlwind of hate and discontentment, attracting other people in that same state of mind. Granted, I have always been a self helper by reading books, trying yoga, changing my diet, attempting to exercise but inevitably returning to a place of unhappiness.

But I realize now that I look back that all of those things helped, and still help. I still read self help books, I just finished Oola For Women. I am reading my third consecutive book on using essential oils. I am back to practicing yoga and discovered I love Zumba. I enjoy cooking healthy food for my husband and I but still make a cake or other comfort foods. I listen to my body and talk with the doctor when my attempts at treating something fall short. I value myself and try every day to take care of myself. I used to want to die, I was good with death, death would mean the elusive peace I could never find. I am so very grateful that death did not come and that I made it through to find the elusive peace. That I didn’t give up, I am sort of a survivor in a sense and I am not ashamed to say it.


I find that I am continually attracting awesome people into my life. My business partner, Barbara, and I  have created a job for ourselves that we love. I continue to learn new things everyday by listening to others, reading and Google. I use social media as a positive tool and hide/block/unfollow/delete anything that doesn’t inspire me or make me happy.

Do I always feel good and do the right things? #nope I didn’t go to the Y one day last week. But have already been twice this week. I have eaten blueberry cake for breakfast the last few days. I drank a few beers Saturday night, which made me cranky on Sunday. But I keep on keepin’ on. Universe, I got this. I know life won’t always be perfect but I have tools, friends, and love to help me through. Thanks y’all!

Universal Magic

July 4, 2017 | Uncategorized | Permalink


Good Morning World!

This post may be a bit hooey for some of you so quit reading now if you don’t believe in the powers of the universe.

Is it the power of the universe, your God, the intentions you set, the law of attraction, the power within yourself that talks to you through intuition or hard work and determination that makes your dreams come true?

I sort of feel like all of them combined although I do tend to be a bit agnostic in the God front but many of you are on good terms with God so I’ll include it/him/her. I became aware of the powers of visualization in my 30′s. I realized that in my early 20′s I had visualized myself in a large garden of my own with music playing. In my 30′s I had over a 1ooo sq. ft. garden on my dad’s property, iPods and portable speakers had been invented since then and Here. I. Was. I am grateful that at that moment I realized that I had set this moment in action years ago. I am grateful that I have the ability to pay attention and recognize such things, it was a life changing moment. Why did the universe show itself to me at that moment, in the garden? Because I needed to learn PATIENCE! Any of you who garden know that patience is key when growing things. There is no instant gratification in gardening, well that is if you are looking for a sprout to immediately pop out of the ground. The evidence of your work is always noticeable when gardening but maybe not a bloom the next day. Gardening taught me that life is a process of many steps, adjustments, and hard work. I don’t have that garden anymore and am ok with that, it was something I needed at that time because I had a lot to learn.

Let me stop here and point out that I am not asking for good fortune, wealth, health or what not. I mean I AM, but not in the sense of asking the universe to GIVE me anything, instead I ask the universe to HELP me help myself. I ask what do I need to do to achieve such and such. And then have patience damn it, because it does not (usually) happen over night. I often find the universe often “throws me a bone” to let me know I am on the right path. Pay attention folks.

I am not going to yammer on about all the things I paid attention too, followed my intuition on and what not, I am sure I have blogged about all of them in the past. But I will say you need to listen to yourself. Do what you need to do to clear your mind and be able to hear what your next step is. Then DO IT. Does it always pan out, no. But keep at it. Also, make sure you have a support system of friends, family, animals. Open up to folks that will listen to you, encourage you and offer, sometimes unsolicited, advice. Surround yourself with creative and positive people. Get rid of the naysayers and Debbie Downers. Sweet Brown knows the deal….


You are going to need all the help you get so ask for help when you need it and open yourself up to accept it! Mean, negative nasty people aren’t who you need to “help” you. They only want to see you struggle and fail.

What inspired me to write this post today? An essential oil experience, or should I say LACK of oil. I have been using an oil blend in the evenings on my throat. I have been sleeping really well and have had none of my usual anxiety dreams. Yes, I have a set of standard anxiety filled dreams that wake me up and night and keep me up stressed as all get out. I forgot to put it on last night, remembered but sluffed it off and told myself I would do it next time I got up. At 3:45 I awoke after having a massive anxiety fueled dream. After  45 minutes of focusing on breath, gratitude mantras, you name it I realized the oil I had forgotten. So I went ahead and put it on after now being up for over an hour and not wanting to stay up because I have a lot to do today. After application, I promptly fell back asleep and slept soundly for 2 more hours! Was it the oil, exhaustion, or the power of suggestion that put me to sleep? I don’t know for sure but it worked and I am thankful!

Oils are new to me, I am learning about them every day and think they are going to be a great tool in the years to come for me. Here is where the universe threw me a bone yesterday. Sunday morning I was rearranging my cart for my Essential Rewards order. I was trying to keep it at around $100. But as I kept putting things in and taking them out I decided, what the hell, I am going to get what I want which also allows me to get 3 things free because of how much it all cost. I will figure out how to pay for it later. Yesterday I received a wholesale order for tea towels that will more than cover my purchase and leave me a little to pay on my loan!!!!! I swear, I can’t make this sh*t up.

So all that being said, here comes the work part, because nothing is “free”, instead of going to a party at 2 I will be listening to my book and ironing towels. I won’t work all day but I won’t be over there that early for sure. I am grateful to be able to have my side job at home, free boobing with my dogs….I can wait a few more hours before I have a beer.

Peace out y’all, Happy 4th and all that jazz, I have work to do!humble

First Step

May 10, 2017 | inspiration, life | Permalink

stepWhaaaaaaaaat, it has been almost a YEAR since I blogged, the horror. I kind of fell apart last May and I guess I just got out of the habit. But I notice that I am getting wordier and wordier on Facebook and I better just get back on over here for all this blathering. Plus two conversations this week, one of which who told me to write it down, and the other stated that people have helped her along the way and she wants to help others. This is sort of what this blog has evolved to. Me talking about how crazy I am and folks reaching out to say “Thank You, I am crazy too and I am glad I am not alone”. This post today is probably redundant to some as you already know my story, but I feel like writing it again for some who have just found me. So that being said I am going to illustrate why it is important to take a that first step. I was originally going to say Leap of Faith but that sound too scary, in retrospect it was a leap of faith when I decided to change my life, but it all started with one step, one foot in front of the other, until 16 or so years later I am living my dream, happy, healthy and relatively sane (more on THAT another day). take-the-first-stepToday I am going to summarize (or try, you know I like to “talk”) this journey. I think it helps put in in perspective for those who think they can’t do it. You CAN, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Late 20′s – I am not happy with the way my life is going. I am drinking too much, partying too much, not taking care of myself. I was manic, depressed and often suicidal. I need to step away from my “scene”. I was having doubts that the folks I spent all my time with were really my friends. I figured I would adjust my life accordingly and if they were still my friends they would stick around. Most of them didn’t.  This was also the beginning of a permanent rift with a loved one, but I was drowning and I needed to change. First step is becoming aware that change is needed. Second step is willing to walk away from your “comfort” zone and accept that you might need to make new friends.

30′s – My dad offers me a job. I took it. Why not, what do I have to lose this is just another step. Then he convinces me to buy a house, well he wanted me to get a condo or something more manageable for a single woman. That’s not how I roll though, I wanted a house. 4 walls and a yard for my dog. The week I am closing on said house I run into a friend who needs to move, “hey move in with me”. This would be my husband of almost 12 years now. This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t keep stepping, occasionally leaping, the house was definitely a leap. Looking back on it I would have really struggled to keep up with all of this if I were alone. But when Chris was still just my friend and I was shopping for a home he told me that if any chick could own and manage a house it would be me, he has always had faith in me.

So I am still a bit manic with bouts of depression. I am not drinking regularly but binging when I do and it s really taking it’s toll on me. Eventually I go to a new doctor and get diagnosed with PMDD and get on good combo of birth control and anti depressants! Holy Moly my life took a turn for the best, why in the hell did I not do this sooner?! With this I tell you DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP! There is no shame in admitting that you need it, that you can’t do it alone. You do not have to, help is there you just have to take that STEP. But let me add that you may have to take a few steps, you may not like that doctor, or the meds didn’t work, don’t give up, get a new doctor or change your meds.

40′s – Ok, so now I am doing great! I am not thinking about axing myself on a regular basis, I am creating art, I am married, have multiple dogs and I start doing art and craft shows. Get up with a group of ladies and craft once a month ( I know I have written a really good post on this but can’t find it right this minute to link). Now I am learning new skill sets, making NEW friends. My self confidence is growing and I take another leap and decide to leave the security of my dad’s business and out on my own (and my BFF Barbara). We still took this one step at a time though. 1. Hey let’s go into business. 2. Come up with a rough idea of what we want to do, get an LLC and so on. It is all a series of small steps that make something huge, beautiful and magical. We have been open for 4 years.

Is life always perfect? Nope. I still get low but I recover. I am still learning everyday how to be a better person. Am I always the person I strive to be? Nope. But I keep going. And as I go I continually meet and/or reconnect with people that help me along this journey of life. Each person is more amazing than the next. I am so grateful for them and I surely hope I can also be of help to others…so I will continue to write. Holler if you need me!

Yellow People Project

June 2, 2016 | life | Permalink

yellowdogproject-300x224 My morning thoughts after I left the YMCA today were about the challenge it is for some of us to get through a day. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to tie a yellow bow on me somewhere to warn folks to let me have my space. And before you say it, NO headphones do not always work. So maybe headphone and a yellow bow.

When you are a little crazy like me you have good days and bad. Some days it takes a pep talk to get out of bed and it is important to stay busy so you don’t dwell on things. One of the things I like to do to stay busy is to go to the Y. It is a good way to start the day, boost my endorphins, get healthy and feel better about myself. If I am having a “bad” day one of the things that holds me back though is the fact that folks want to talk with me. I really like all the folks that I go to the Y with but I am not always in the mood to chat away with someone for 30 minutes at 6am. I am sure it confuses folks that one day I can be full of smiles and other days I avoid eye contact. These folks are acquaintances and I do not feel the need to tell them I am having a “bad” day or explain myself. It is hard to explain crazy. I am well aware of the things that go through my head are nonsense but it doesn’t stop the thoughts from forcing their way in and ruining my days. I know they mean well, want to offer condolences and or advise but you know what, I just don’t want to hear it. I know all this stuff, I know that this too shall pass so just let me lope along on the treadmill listening to my book, or rock n roll in peace. And I don’t want to be a dick, it’s not their fault I am Miss Crabby Pants and I am not out to ruin anyone else’s day or give them a complex so it is just easier to stay home. But I shouldn’t have to! Just like a challenging dog shouldn’t be kept from going for a walk I shouldn’t have to stay home because I don’t want to play nice!

So I propose the Yellow People Project! What do you think?!


To Draw or Not To Draw….

June 1, 2016 | life | Permalink


Before you say anything, I am aware of the fact that in the time it would take to write this post I could have actually MADE something…anything…even if I just ironed towels. But I am feeling more introspective than creative today and would really rather just sit still and try and make sense of the mania that swirls around in my head. Although I am having lady issues today, which is another reason I prefer to sit still, my brain is on overdrive and I am pretty sure my heart rate is elevated. Yeah, welcome to my world.

I am often beating myself up because I am an artist who does not make art. I have ideas all day everyday but I just cannot seem to act on them. Part of it is priorities, you know like running a business, exercise, sleep, eating, laundry and the like…but part of it is procrastination. Then there is that issue of funds. I know I should make art for the sake of art but I am just not there right now in my life. Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy, I did not open a business because I needed something to do. Yes, some ladies have opened a shop and told me when they were in The Wedge getting ideas before they opened (at least they were honest and are 45 minutes away) but yes, they told me their husbands told them they needed something to do so they opened their little business. I actually need to earn a living and although I am making do well enough at this time I have depleted my savings and am not prepared for anything out of the ordinary to happen because it would crush me. Some people might look at my attitude as being a sell out but I see it as survival and I do not see anything wrong in using my creative abilities to earn money. Believe it or not other artists can be mean and judgemental, but c’est la vie, I have always walked to the beat of my own drum anyways.

I know I will never draw like a great master, but I do need to draw well enough to get my outlines and proportions in place. I will never master the craft of hand lettering as well as someone like Igor, IMG_7304 but I can do a better job than below….


I just need to practice…and not procrastinate. Maybe rather than perusing Facebook while I have my morning coffee I should doodle and sketch. I need to create healthier habits for myself. See, I am already working through my problems as I type LOL.

You all know that one way I earn extra cash is by designing and printing tea towels.

My first towel was this one….

homeiswheretowelIt is an illustration that I actually drew, and collaged with my painted tissue paper. I was able to layer my scanned in tissue paper over the font for a little more texture. There are a few things that bother me about this though, the colors get altered in translation and a lot of the detail/texture is lost. Plus it’s done, there you have it, a pink trailer.

Example of my tissue paper…2-12-2011_4THEN I discovered sites offering creative content at very reasonable prices. You see below is a watercolor of a sailing ship (I have never played with watercolors but I love the look of it), this came in a big package of nautical goodness ready to go. The font and the doodle came in a separate package as well as the watercolor that I was able to adjust the font and water doodle with. Easy peasy, except I feel like a complete fraud. Although I am completely happy with the layout, it prints fantastic and it took up very little time I cringe a little everytime I look at it.
1ShipRGBYet I cringe when I see If Cats Could Talk because I should use a “real” font until I can get a little better at lettering. BUT the cat doodle got my wheels spinning. I actually doodled the cat and then scanned it. Then I used a watercolor out of photoshop. Which is great because I got to play around with different colors and opacities without “ruining” the image. I have also learned a little bit about styles, patterns and seamless background by purchasing things from Creative Market. I am thinking with a little research I can scan my tissue in and make it so I have a little more versatility when using it.

Another funny thing is, now that I have discovered these creative content sites I see it EVERYWHERE. I see these designs come through our shop on a regular basis, yes, they may be altered and tweaked and made the artist own, but I know they cheated a little too. Kind of makes me feel a little better about myself. Ha!

This morning I have got to thinking that maybe I should work on getting my parts….doodles, illustrations, tissue papers, letter etc… into the computer. I am also battling with doing an online course with Sketchbook Skool for a kick in the pants to get me in the habit of drawing and some inspiration. And then maybe I could even upload them into Creative Market into a little shop of my own for a little more income?? Thoughts? I mean shoot, if it’s out there it’s out there and folks will steal and copy it if they want so why not try and make a little passive income.

The lively introvert

April 20, 2016 | life | Permalink

introvertTo be my friend you have to accept the fact that we will probably never spend much time together. I am often surprised that I have maintained many friendships over the years and actually continue to make new friends. I am grateful that they understand me and don’t take it personally.

I got up extra early to go to the Y and have time to print towels but I feel the need to express myself.

I always feel the need to explain myself because I do not want people to think I am a snob (I have been called that) or no fun (been called that too), it hurts my feelings when people think and say the things about me. My lively personality often contrasts with my necessity to be alone, which I think is part of the problem with new people understanding me. The fact that I am constantly meeting new people is the reason I suppose that I often feel the need to explain myself.

The Creative Wedge has made my heart full and bursting from all of the wonderful folks that I have met along the way. I value each and every one of you and am grateful beyond belief to have met you. The Creative Wedge IS my social life. For instance yesterday the first two hours of my day was a stream of family and friends, some shopping others just visiting. I had a minute to do some computer work and then lots of shoppers coming through that I spent time chatting with. Later in the day I had a few more visitors. I had a great day, besides the fact that I wore the wrong shoes and my legs and back were killing me when it was over. But then I had a commitment to go to, something fun with lots of folks I like but I just could not do it. I was so tired and hungry, all I wanted was food, my bed, my pups and my book! So I went home feeling guilty but knowing I had to to do what was best for me.

Some facts about the lively, loud mouth, yet reclusive me:

I do best with one of one or maybe a few others but not parties. I am easily over stimulated and it turns a fun atmosphere into something very stressful for me.

I am a morning person. Although I am good for a quiet dinner occasionally I am at my most lively in the early morning.

I can’t handle very much alcohol these days so anything involving food, art, crafting, or walks with dogs is always a preferred activity for me.

I will love you for ever if you can give me the space to be me!! xoxo

Proof Positive

April 16, 2016 | life | Permalink


I am in a mood again today. But I realize why and it has me thinking about the company that we keep and why it is so important to be around uplifting folks.

As a highly sensitive person I am deeply affected by words. Often never being able to let go of the particularly mean ones. When someone hurts my feelings is when the cycle of negative thoughts begins. Because I am hurt I want to lash out and make others, even folks who have done nothing to me, feel as rotten as I do. It can go on for days. Me thinking about all the things I dislike about myself and others. I KNOW this is ridiculous and I need to get over it and move on, which is why I decided to blog about it because that always helps me recognize my stuff and move on.

I think it is proof positive that the people that you surround yourself with need to be folks that are happy, uplifting, kind, productive, etc… If you are around those who are lashing out at you, focusing on the negative, dwelling in the past and not letting things go then you are setting yourself up to feel and think negatively.

Luckily for me it was just an arguement and I can powder my butt and move on, but others live it. I feel sad that they can’t see what is happening.

Ok, powdering done, I can move on with my day! The sun is shining and I am headed to Old Beach Farmers market for the morning. Have a good one!

At Peace

March 16, 2016 | life | Permalink


No one teaches you how to grieve an estranged family member. Hell, no one ever even talks about the possibility that you might have an estranged family member. It is taboo in polite society to say you haven’t talked to your grandmother, aka Nanew, in a decade. It is really very uncomfortable when the subject of relatives is broached, there is always an awkward and uncomfortable pause when you might say, “well, I don’t know if she is alive”. That is harsh, I know but it has been the reality of my life. Now I can say she is not.

I thought that would be a relief. I actually believed that I would feel nothing. Yet, I am sad. So very sad today. I am in tears, but for who exactly?

I am sad that she was dealt the cards she got in this life. Losing her mother when she was a baby and being taken away from her alcoholic father and placed in a house of relatives that did not want her. We will never know the hell that was her youth. She would never tell us much more than being shut in a dark room and being hungry. She always fed me well, encouraged us to root around in the fridge for a snack. She never wanted us to be hungry.

I am sad that her demons overtook her in my mom’s youth. I am sad that my mom suffered because polite society in the 1950′s didn’t talk about the demons we face, but rather medicated the problems. Where did that leave the little girl that would be my mom?

I often preach that there is nothing wrong with being an only child. But I am sad today because my Nanew was an only child, who had one child, who again had one child. I can only assume things would be easier if we could share our grief with another. To not feel so alone. Would life have been easier for Nanew if she had a sibling? In her situation though they probably would have been separated. If my mother had a sibling might she have had an ally after her father passed. Her father who was her rock and the peacekeeper. My mom might have not felt so alone.

I have yet to mention that my mom lost her dad on the very same day 40 some years ago. The same day, which happens to be the day before her birthday. That makes me sad too. Very sad.

I was very numb yesterday at receiving the news of her passing. I thought that numb was all I could muster. Then the tears came. Now I can’t seem to stop them.

I tried to love her. I went for a long time and didn’t speak with her. Then I tried to mend the bridge. But I could not handle it. She wasn’t very nice behind closed doors. I tried to understand that she was a product of those people who raised her. That she never received the help that she really needed and instead dealt with it the only way she knew how with medications and alcohol. Unfortunately I have my own monkey’s in my head and was coming to terms with my own issues at that time and the things she said to me deeply wounded me. I can still hear them repeated over and over in my head, like a broken record. I doubt I will ever forget them. I attempted to communicate my feelings to her in writing but she responded that I had hurt hers and that’s where her anger came from. Yet, she would never tell me exactly what it was that  I did that hurt her, besides being born. I could never figure out what I was supposed to do to make things right. After the last insulting tirade of a phone call with her which led me to smoke a pack of cigs and drink an entire bottle of champagne on Christmas day, in my pjs, alone on my porch, I decided enough was enough. That was the last time we spoke. I am not trying to justify anything, right or wrong I think of my actions as self preservation.

But now as I sit here in tears, I am criticizing myself for not trying harder. For not being strong enough to help her. For being selfish.

In 2013 we found out she was in a nursing home. Yet, I still did nothing. I was afraid. I was afraid for many reasons and one of which was I was in the process of mending my relationship between my mom and myself. I was afraid of damaging my relationship with her by overstepping my bounds and driving to Lovingston. I was afraid that even if I did drive up there that it was my mom that she would have wanted to see and not me. I was afraid she would hurt me again. So I never went. I am sad because I was so afraid.

I am sad because she died alone and I was selfish and unforgiving.

So I cry, I cry for the loss of her life, I cry that she never conquered her demons. I cry for my mom, who all she has left in this world is me. I cry for myself because of my actions.

Rest in peace Nanew you deserve it.

Wedgie Down

March 11, 2016 | life | Permalink


Wedgie Down!

No, not really, I am up, just had coffee and am sitting here wondering why I have such a headache. I woke up at 6:00 with a pounding headache, one that would rival a hangover, yet I didn’t have a drop of alcohol last night. Mae is pissed, I am afraid to leave my phone in her reach for fear that she will call PETA on me because I am neglecting her. But I am feeling like a zombie, already spilt water all over me, and filled the coffee pot with water but never made it so I am hesitant to ride my bike with three dogs at warped speed around the hood. I am not in the mood to get hit by a car today.

So what does anyone do in 2016 when they feel like poopoo….I Googled it! LOL But I did find this old article.

5 Ways To Cope When You Suffer From A Social Hangover by Andy Mort

Holy Mother of Introverts! I am not alone! I am not the freak I think I am. God bless it, that is a relief!

As a highly sensitive introvert I realise I’ve experienced these social hangovers all my life. Until today I hadn’t really thought too much about them.

I suppose I had always assumed that some days are just good and I feel positive; whereas other days are a bit crap and I just feel flat and empty. While this may feel true it is often possible to find explanations, especially if you’re naturally introverted or highly sensitive.

Sensory input and the presence of people can act like alcohol; your body consumes it and your mind is progressively stimulated and moved away from its default state. The longer you are exposed to it (i.e. the more you drink), the longer it will take to recover (the more hungover you get).

When you’re hungover after drinking too much you don’t feel like yourself. You might feel powerless, weak, and internally divided; it’s like your body and mind are punishing you for what you did to them. A social hangover is no different and I’ve realised there are some important things to bear in mind if and when you ever suffer from one:

Even the comments were me. Like this one,  I’ve always had a weird thing about wanting to be the first up and to be in place by the time others get up. I guess this is linked to the need to have stimulation drip fed to me” and someone mentioned restless legs, I always take Calms Forte as soon as I get home from anything extracurricular. 

I have been associating a lot of these feeling lately to alcohol consumption. Although I know alcohol doesn’t help the situation I see now that it is not solely the issue here.  But I see patterns in my life and why I am the way I am…why I prefered to be a cook and not a waitress, why I prefered working in dad’s warehouse rather than the front office. I think spending 12 long years in that warehouse as exasperated my introverted tendencies. And although I am mostly an introvert I am still fairly outgoing and I do enjoy small gatherings of like minded folks, like last nights Who Arted? get together at the shop. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t wake up with a “hangover”. I had a blast! I loved seeing old and new friends. I wasn’t anxious and weirded out by any of it, I kept talking to the last two friends until one of them was literally backing out the door, because she, like me overstimulates easily. But yet I still feel like doody today.

And WHY did I go into retail! LOL In general I really enjoy it and on an average day it is just the right amount of social stimulation. Farmers market days and the last 6 weeks of the year are pretty tough on me and I am wiped out in January, but day to day life at the The Wedge is spectacular and I love it. I could easily have fallen into a reclusive life but I know that is not a healthy lifestyle for me so I feel like I have created a perfect life for myself. First off I have the most awesome extroverted business partner that is more than happy to take the lead when I need to step away. She is getting to know me and is realizing that I have all sorts of sensory issues and knows my triggers and cues. I am grateful for her. Our shop is an extension of our home and I feel very relaxed and comfortable in there. Sometimes I am calmer there than I am at home! Plus I’d say 98% of the people we meet through the shop are fantastic, inspiring, talented, and often a little “crazy” like me. So I am a little less of an oddball than if say I worked in a corporate situation. Yeah right, that will never happen. I think I lasted 6 months at a bank in high school and knew THAT life wasn’t for me.

So, anyways, I like to blog about stuff because often folks reach out to me and tell me how much they can relate. I think knowing you are not alone, and a crazy, freaky oddball is healthy…so I share and share and share…cuz I do like to talk a lot. ;)