I actually started this post last year, last YEAR, how is it possible to stray away from something you enjoy to do for months on end?? Anyways it started with this doodle which is still true, but oh my how times are changing.
Today, May 4, 2020 D is for Demolish.
Demolish the old paradigms
and CREATE new ones.
Demolish the television first. Do your research so you understand that the media, ALL mainstream media, is controlled by a handful of people with their own agendas. I know, it’s a hard pill to swallow but here it is, they do not have our best interests at heart.
I am finding lately that when I get down about the current situation I turn to social media and the Dreaded television to stop thinking so much. Basically I am Dumbing myself down to try and ease the inner and outer turmoil in my (our) life. The problem with this is it makes me think like the sheep that the powers that be want me to think like. I am not a sheep, I was born marching to the beat of my own drum and there is no reason to stop now. I may not always make the “right” decision but they are MY decisions and has a human with freewill I can choose to make changes whenever I want.
After some time spent reflecting on my life, feelings, fears and Desires I realized I was falling into the trap of believing that life in pre-corona was bliss. Like, if only we could return to those days (2 months ago) everything will fall back into its proper place and we will be in paradise once again.
This is what led me to my blog today. I used to get great comfort in sorting my feelings out in “public” so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try this for my therapy, I mean thoughts today.
This leads us to the first draft of this post in August of 2019 in which I noted above “I actually started this post last year, last YEAR, how is it possible to stray away from something you enjoy to do for months on end??” Well, that is a lie. I know exactly what was going on in my life last August, that’s when the wheels started falling off my bus. It is when I KNEW my life had to change one way or another and the changes were in motion. Now in the midst of The CoRona I began believing that nothing was wrong with life as I knew it, but the reality is none of that has changed. The challenges, distrusts, and frustrations are still there they are just being masked by the mounting pressures of (additional) debt and desperation to get through this with out having a nervous breakdown.
I am not bitter, sad or angry today. I just realized last night that I am at that part of my journey where I am so scared that I will toy with the idea of turning around and head back into what is “safe” and known. This is a side affect of too much media and I fall prey to it occasionally but am so grateful that I have the presence of mind to SEE what is happening.
I am headed off into the world today with my drum, figuring it all out one day, hour, minute, second at a time.
Follow your heart and have a beautiful day.