Fear of….

January 13, 2016 | life | Permalink

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Oh Lord, didn’t curiosity kill the cat?

Wandering around the house this morning fretting like I am going away for a month and not a long weekend. You all know I over think EVERY SINGLE THING in my life and that may make me seem a little crazy but I actually think it keeps me sane. It helps me get to the root of my issues, and issues are one thing I am not lacking in this life. The one thing I do know is that I have to challenge myself and not have fear get the best of me. I think that is why I like a structured trips with interesting things to entice me to leave the comfort/safety/warmth/routine of my home. I laugh that I have never lived or worked beyond First Colonial Road. I like my little space in the world. I am happy here but I know if I don’t ever step away I will miss the chance of seeing a lot of beautiful, creative, inspiring things. I just can’t step away too far, LOL.

OK here’s the deal there are two things that probably trouble me the most, the loss of control and the disruption in my routines. First off let me state that it is not that I fear Tracy cannot manage the store or that Chris will not be able to care for our pets. They are both perfectly capable individuals. Going to work and taking care of my animals is part of my routine. It is what I do, it is who I am. I love The Wedge, I love being there, I like knowing I have a place to go everyday. And I do not need to tell you how much I love my dogs. I can’t wait to get home every night so I can hug and snuggle with them. They are my Xanax. I miss them when they are not near.

Control. At home I have my truck and or my bike to get around, I am in control of how I get from point A to point B. Out of town I am not. At home I have a closet full of clothing so I can adjust what I have on at anytime depending on the weather…I have gone home from work to change before! At home my meals or planned or I know I like to eat at certain restaurants. I guess routines are a form of control. To some I am frighteningly routine. I get up in the morning within a certain time frame every day. I do the same thing in the same order every day. OK, some days may vary, say if I am going to the Y but a Y day has a routine just like a sleep in day does. I work, I come home and I fiddle around the house, eat, talk with Chris, read and go to bed early. I find so much comfort in routine. Maybe because my mind is always spinning at high speed. The ideas and thoughts never stop coming and when I disrupt the thoughts with what I should be doing, eating etc it overwhelms me. I like order. I never go to the grocery without a list. I plan all my meals in advance. I cannot be bothered with having to think about such things everyday, just a little time once a week and then I am done. I am prepared…to think and dream.

I know curiosity won’t kill this cat. I am not afraid of bad things happening to me, it just the break in routine, the lack of the level of control that I am used to. I know if I gave in to these fears I would only be hurting myself. Luckily we live in an area where a lot of really wonderful things are relatively close by since I prefer short trips. I can get over myself and my weird quirks for a few days to make memories that will continue to inspire me.

In defense of social media

January 7, 2016 | inspiration, life | Permalink

fbFacebook in particular.  I am a big fan of facebook but I totally get why some people are not and I can respect that. But here are my thoughts on Facebook with an example from this morning to elaborate.

First off I heard yesterday “but I don’t CARE what you ate for dinner”. Yep, I get that, but I actually do care about what you ate. I love to see what other folks are eating and cooking. By sharing what you had and a link to the recipe I might have found my new favorite weekday meal. When you check in at a local restaurant and snap a photo of your meal, I might be inspired to go there too. And pets, I know some people who probably could give a hoot about my pets or your pets but I LOVE to see pictures of people’s pets and read about their shenanigans. I find it amusing and entertaining.

I am basically an introverted homebody but I love to travel vicariously with my FB friends. I like to see what is going on around town, maybe a new band is coming and although I might not go to the show I could pick up their CD to enjoy at home. I can see all kinds of stuff going around town, all in one place from art, music, food and farmers markets. Then I can make a decision on what would be the most fun for me to participate.

Facebook also gives you the option to follow, not follow, get notifications or not on all people and pages. I hate political and overly religious posts and sites so I block most of them from my newsfeeds. It doesn’t mean I have to unfriend the person with particular views and stances I just block all the stuff they share. You can have friends and not agree on everything, it is ok, but it doesn’t mean you have to see it either.

I know social media can be a major time suck but I find it relaxing and a good way to unwind rather than watching tv. Sometimes I am just lazy and it is just fun to look through my newsfeed for something interesting to read about. Like this morning. I went to the Y but have been pretty lazy since then before work.  But I saw an article about Alabama Chanin that I thoroughly enjoyed reading and really got my creative juices flowing for the day.

Actually the gal, Deborah Flack aka ChiChi Rose, is a virtual friend. I love how we can have virtual friendships with those we may or may not have ever met. Because sometimes all of “your people” don’t live in your community. How did I “meet” Deborah? Well, we were in DC last year at a The American Made Show and met Martha and Steve of 3 Sisters Design Co.. We knew instantly that they were our kind of people. So of course we became Facebook friends. By seeing their posts I saw that they had a friend in Georgia that made really cool stuff and her husband was an artist too. The name was familiar and I realized that I had bought a piece of Paul Flack‘s art at the Boardwalk art show years ago! I had actually spent quite a bit of time talking with them. So this Deborah is my kind of people also. She shares the best stuff on her newsfeeds. She loves a lot of the same obscure kind of art and craft that I do and is not prevalent in our area. I am grateful to have “met” her, not only is she herself inspiring but she shares tons of other inspiring things on her page.

Like the article I read this morning, which had my mind a wandering. Here is how my thoughts ran away with me this morning….

No, I cannot now or ever afford a $4000 dress but I do really admire the grow to sew process. I think it is awesome that they are creating unique, sustainable, amazing, beautiful work, for real jobs, in a rural area of the country. I think it is genius and I admire that. But then I get uncomfortable because I think they are a bit elitist and it is unrealistic and unobtainable by so many. And then I step away from that notion and realize that it is art. And it is art that is creating jobs and someone can obviously afford it so more power to them for making it work! Who am I to judge. I was judgy yesterday about a local business that I think is an unrealistic business model and cater to the elitists. But why, that’s not fair. I have never read their business plan, I don’t know what is in store for them in the future, they may really make it and maybe one day be active supporting members in our community doing lot of good stuff for others. Who knooooooows what their future is. I need not be so judgy all the time.

In having this judgy discussion with Barbara yesterday we had to admit that some folks may view US as elitists. They may, they DO, judge us for our business decisions. Because we choose one artist over another, that our store looks a certain way and is in a certain geographical location. And I get defensive and blog about it, like in my last post because I want people to know why we do the things we do. Other folks don’t feel the necessity in openly defending themselves like I do and because of that I need to accept the fact they they are doing what THEY have to do to live a fulfilling and hopefully profitable life just like I am!

Ok back to the positive side of the social media, I know this is a crazy post that is seemingly all over the place but I just wanted to illustrate how things I see on line can stimulate my thought processes, expanding and opening my mind. Alright so back to the article on the garments, the excitement, the uncomfortableness and then my solution…because I always have to satisfy myself with a “solution” whether I intend to pursue it or not! Yes, I adore these designs, the concept, the whole process but even though it is unattainable for me to own such a work of wearable art who is to say I can’t make something myself! No I am not in a position to go from grow to sew, hell I don’t even like to sew. BUT I coooould go to a thrift store, find something that may end up in the landfill sooner than later and repurpose it with stitchwork and embellishment. I have the power within me to create a new, sustainable, artful garment of my very own!

On that note, I am off to shower and get to work because I am already going to be really late. I am glad Barbara knows I get wrapped up in stuff early in the morning. Bye Bye

Balancing Act

January 1, 2016 | life | Permalink

balanceBalance has been a New Year pondering for me as long as I can remember. Although different years mean different things to ponder what I need to work on. I am feeling pretty good about balancing exercise, cooking, pet, home and work time…although friendship time is always challenging for me since I am not really people-y inclined after work, but that is another post for another day.

Yesterday and today I have really been focusing on balancing the business. We are gaining a reputation for carrying a lot of local items in our shop. Which is true we do have quite a few local folks in there, 100′s of Virginia vendors, many from around the US and Canada and a few fair trade items.  I think it is a great mix and this is what we strive to maintain. We want to buy responsibly for The Wedge, that is our main focus. That is the BIG Picture.

The details though. Oooooh the details. Life is all in the details isn’t it. So you have the obvious details like paying the rent, marketing expenses, utilities, insurance,  etc. Eventually a living wage for Barbara and I will be in there too. As we venture into year 3 and a new lease we are not there yet (the living wage part that is, we can manage the bills) but we have a better idea of HOW to get there now. We know what is working for us and what is not working for us at this point. A store, in our location is not and will never make it on consignment alone. Not going to happen. Although some folks insist that the 40% of the sale we keep is high it really isn’t when you consider the overhead we have, credit card fees, the gift wrapping and what not. I need to be careful here because I can get very defensive. That being said, as much as we want to support our local artists and crafters we cannot do it to the point of losing the shop. As much as we want to help others we are unfortunately not a charity we are a business and that is the bottom line. In dealing with consignors verses wholesalers we are dealing with folks on a very personal level and feelings can get hurt all around and very easily. Artist think we don’t value their time and effort and I often feel the same way on my end. It goes both ways.

I don’t think a lot of folks understand what goes on behind the scenes. And since I am the kind of gal that likes to tell you how things really are I am going to give you a glimpse of the sort of things we deal with everyday. I think with a little understanding folks will see why there are not many shops doing what we do. I think you will also understand why we want and need to move towards more wholesaling. With wholesaling you get a higher margin although in selling responsibly produced arts, crafts and gifts the margin in MUCH less than selling mass produced Chinese crapola. Let me state though that just because I keep throwing around the term wholesaling doesn’t mean it has to be less local. Several of our local vendors are already wholesaling with us. Buying outright is nice for many reasons  but the main one is the artist, crafter, gift maker gets paid on the spot. Yes you may be receiving a little less but you are not waiting around wondering when and if your product is going to sell. It’s in our court then. No risk for you, just us. Although I should add that the large pieces of original fine art and craft will probably always be on consignment because of the higher price point.

OK, here is a little behind the scenes. The things that kind of hurt my feelings when having to deal with them…

Folks who purchase all their materials retail, because this is your hobby and not your job, but yet want to make X amount of dollars for your time and then x2 on what you paid (retail) for your materials. And some even tack on an extra 40% onto the price above.

Folks who think because of our geographic location enables them to tack on extra to their retail but sell it up the road for less.

The producers who sell directly to the customers for X amount but then expect us to sell it for much more. That makes us look terrible. Like we are gougers. I hate that. If we can get X amount so can YOU. Sell it the same across the board.

Some people like to come in a critique how you have their items displayed. We have had folks pick their stuff up and start rearranging with a store full of people in order to have their work in a “better” place.

Wholesaling with the little guy has it’s downsides too. We are often dealing directly with the artists and producers themselves. Their talents lie in their creations not necessarily booking keeping and customer service. A lot of small batch producers thing that we can make it on 30% margins, shipping can be anywhere from 10-25%, folks can randomly jack up their cost without warning and you find out after it’s been delivered. People have changed the cost to a quantity based price without warning you get charged significantly more for the smaller orders you have always placed. I get it but geez, give us a heads up, let us know what to expect. Then you have orders placed that never come. Emails don’t get checked, orders don’t get sent. People get busy and just blow you the hell off.

I think this might give those of you that wonder why there aren’t more stores like us around, it is a tricky balance. I can see where it is a lot easier and much more profitable to go to the big markets and buy all your stuff mass produced. You can get it all in one place, it is cheap to buy, you can mark it up insanely, and make your customers happy by offering sales often.  But Barbara and I are made of tougher stuff, we relish the challenge of having a little store like ours, we love searching out American made goodness, and working with the locals. I know I sound like I was really fussing but there is always good and bad. And our good peeps are why we do what we do. We love them, they love us, it is why we get up everyday and keep doing what we do.

Here’s to a balanced, profitable, fun and exciting New Year!!

 

Happy New Year!

December 31, 2015 | holiday, life | Permalink

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There is not much I enjoy more than I enjoy the prospect of a NEW YEAR!

 I love the relief from the pressure of the holidays being over. I love the calm that comes in the long slow months of winter. I relish in the peace I can obtain in this time that will  hopefully sustain me until next January. It’s like I am plugging myself into the battery charger for a few months.

A good thing about the busy time that we have just passed is that I often come up with lots of new ideas, I am not sure why my imagination is so sparked when I am pushed to my limits but it just is. I also realize what I value and missed most of the things I had to put aside for a few months. Like making new art, going to the YMCA, riding my bike, walking etc.. So the business of the holidays isn’t necessarily a bad thing and is definitely a time of realizations.

I love a new year because every year gets better and better for me and it is very exciting to think of the new people I will meet, the new things I will learn and adventures I might have. Owning The Creative Wedge has brought so many amazing people into my life and I am building healthy, stronger relationships with new and old friends everyday. I am grateful for all the support I receive from you all , the knowledge you share with me, the ears you lend, and sometimes the shoulder to cry on.

The new year is an exciting time! I wish you all a healthy happy new year filled with love, hope and growth.

Coming to terms

December 10, 2015 | holiday, life, love | Permalink

Computer-grief-arms-outstreched7I realized the other day that I have not done my yearly holiday ranting post. I realized that I have come to terms with the holidays and all the frustration they bring. I realized that they are what I make them and if I am stressed out and worrying about everything and everyone under the sun then I am going to be miserable.

I think the realization started at Thanksgiving. Before Thanksgiving I was stressing. Stressing that it was just a day off for me in the middle of the week that I would have to spend an exorbitant amount of money and spend the entire day cooking. Then my mom stepped up to the plate and offered to cook at her house. It was awesome. Because I was not cooking at my house I was able to go over to see my dad and his family before heading over to mom’s for a delicious and relaxing meal. I felt I was rejuvenated and ready for the holidays at The Wedge.

Barbara and I are working our tails off at The Wedge wrapping, making dips, and keeping the store stocked for our customers. I like the focus it gives me. I like that I am to busy to worry about all the other stuff that used to weigh so heavily on my heart. I realize that although I have little extra time this time of year I can make it work and see everyone I want to see. I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t have a lot of money for gifts. It is not stressing me out this year. I shall give what I can and try and make time to see everyone I want to see because in the end that time spent is better than anything material I can give.

If I could give anything to my loved ones I would want it to be the ability to come to terms with not only the holidays, but life and all that it entails whether it be loss, grief, illness, addictions, depression, their past, the future whatever they are clinging to that is making them sad and/or mad. I was thinking this morning that sometimes I feel really judgy. I know I like to make jokes about it, but really on a lot of instances I am just judgy because I care. I get frustrated that I cannot help or folks aren’t willing or are not ready to help themselves. It is hard to watch people you love suffer. It is hard when you have a naturally big mouth to keep it shut and I guess that is what makes me angry and judgy. I have ended relationships in the past because I cannot handle it. I am a passionate person who, as ornery as I may seem, genuinely wants the best for people. I hate to see people engaging in destructive and unhealthy actions and behaviors. It hurts me. Sometimes it hurts me so bad that I have to walk away to save myself. I feel judgy and sanctimonious or, my favorite that I have been accused of, Holier Than Thou. But I feel like I have earned that right. It’s not like I have never suffered loss, been depressed and suicidal. I have dealt with addictions, destructive behaviors like overeating, under eating, binge drinking, chain smoking. I have been a complete asshole to many, many people in my life. I have done a lot of rotten things. But I do not let these things define me. I have come to terms with it all and have taken a step forward to be a better person. To be a good person. To help not hurt others. I am who I am today, not yesterday. And I aim to be a better person tomorrow. So yeah, I get judgy and mean because I work hard to be healthy and happy and think you should too because I know you have got it in you!

The Poverty Line

November 18, 2015 | life, rants | Permalink

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Pondering “the poverty line” while having my coffee and waiting for ibuprofen to kick in so I can print some towels. Thinking I may be picking a political scab but like I said it is just pondering, not an invitation for political bashing.
Chris and I are below “the poverty line”, well below this line actually but yet we manage pretty good if I say so myself. Although this health insurance issue is stressing me the hell out right now when has it NOT stressed me out? But that is another morning pondering…that usually leads to tears and I am not in the mood for that again. I was just perusing the internet and saw several articles referring to folks who worked their entire life and are now living below the poverty line. I ponder this as a “poor” American sitting in a warm home, drinking hot coffee, on my computer, petting one of her 4 dogs. I actually feel pretty rich. I know I have breakfast in the fridge, a hot shower and clean clothing waiting for me. I feel comforted. I will get in my 13 year old beat up SUV and head to my beautiful shop and go to work in a few hours. I feel grateful.

I was born into a working class family, I know I have to work and work hard to have a “good” life. The whole healthcare subsidy thing kind of throws me for a loop lately. Being raised not only in a working family but a republican family I was taught not to take what I do not need. But I need this subsidy to take care of myself so I can work (oh yeah and it is a law now and I will get fined if I do not have it), it is a bit humbling.  Anyways, I do not have a problem going to work everyday. I know the possibility of retirement for me is only a myth. But I am not complaining. I chose my path. I chose not to go to college and become something that would make me filthy rich. I chose to simply work. I like to work. Plus I like a lot of different jobs so even if I did go to college for something special I would have gotten bored with it and done something else LOL. I’d be stir crazy if I didn’t have someplace to go everyday. Now I am thinking about the $15 minimum wage. Really, $15 an hour to work at Mickey D’s. I might as well shut down my little business and go to work at Walmart because I will be making A LOT more money than I am now….but yet I would probably still be under this poverty line in the government’s eyes. Weird. I don’t get it. I worked 10 years to get to that point working for my dad, I wouldn’t expect I’d get paid that amount first day on the job at WaWa. Ok I am getting off course again. I’d be lying though if I said I wasn’t a little bitter about this insanely huge jump on what is considered a living wage. Sorry I am on a roll now, these folks need this money to feed their kids. But I venture to say they were poor when they had these kids but yet they had MORE.  Yep, I am “poor” and “uneducated” but I managed to make it 44 years without birthing a child I could not afford. Ok, ok I will stop…that is another rant in itself also.

Also in my experience in growing up with a single working mom I have seen feast and famine. I grew up knowing that life changes, it does not always go as planned. Just because you have a great job today does not mean it will last forever. Just because you are engaged in marital bliss does not mean even that will last forever either. Granted, I am totally out of my comfort zone with the debt incurred with the business….but the debt is really just an investment in my future. I am creating a life for myself that will hopefully be wildly successful and financially sustaining. Although I will not become complacent. I am always thinking (and writing down) ideas…if this doesn’t work out how about we try this…and what if we took this and did this with it. My mind never stops thinking of the what if’s and how to’s. These ideas may or may not become into fruition but they are there if I need them.

I am not sure how to end this rant or even where I was going with it…but I have sat here long enough and I need to get up and iron some towels. Because this girls gotta work and I am cool with that! xoxo

Where I am at…

November 7, 2015 | life | Permalink

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As cranky and mean as I portray myself to be I am actually quite soft and smooshy on the inside. I am not lying when I say I want others to be happy. I do care, I really do but sometimes what I have to do and what I want to do are often two completely different things.

Working at the Wedge is exposing me to a lot of different type of people. Not only is it our customers it is our consignors as well. The latter being where the thicker skin comes into play. My feelings do get hurt when people lash out, sometimes to us, on social media, but mostly behind our backs (which makes it way back to us). It makes me sad when folks think that I am not doing my job because their things are not selling. I hate that folks think that I do not value their efforts when we have to turn them down when they apply to sell in our shop. But the bottom line is I (we) have to do what needs to be done to stay open and hopefully one day earn a living.

I think it is human nature to want to defend oneself. And I am quick to do it, that is a fault I am working on. I can be mean and nasty when defending myself, livelihood and loved ones. I am learning to listen, nod and walk away. Sometimes no matter what you do or say will ever get through to the other person because they are on the defense too!

One thing I love about my blog is that it is my editorial page. Here I feel safe in defending myself. It gives me an outlet to get it all out of my system so I can listen, nod and walk away. I could really, really get on my soapbox but although this is my personal platform it is also public and I will indeed share it on social media because I am not the only person who feels the way I do. I know others appreciate my two cents whereas some think i am just a b*tch. LOL

In defense of myself…and I say me and not B because I cannot speak for her. But I will add that Barbara’s even temperament, calm demeanor, dislike of confrontation and her innate ability to show compassion and kindness is teaching me a lot in being a better human being and I am glad to have her in my life.

As I type that last sentence and prepare to rant and rave in my defense and tell everyone “what for” I realize I do not have to. All I have to do is keep doing what I have to do. I know in my heart that Barbara and I work hard, not only for ourselves but for the makers that we represent at The Wedge. I go to sleep each night knowing that we have done the best job we can possibly have done and that I (we) will wake up in the middle of the night thinking of ways to do better tomorrow. That is the only defense I will give…for now!

Have a great day peeps and pray that the rain hold off until after the farmers market!

Shhhhhhh

October 25, 2015 | life | Permalink

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I don’t have kids and don’t have a noisy house but there is something so wonderful about the early morning in a quiet house. I am pondering this now as I relish in the silence.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk, I have often been told I talk too much. I love my job, I love my customers, I love Barbara, I love everything about it but I equally love my quiet days off. It’s kind of like I am recharging my batteries. Refueling me for the week to come.

Some folks think I am anti social, that don’t like them or that I don’t want to spend time with them and, that I am mad, whatever but it’s not that I just need my space, need my quiet time. Especially now that I am out of my dad’s warehouse and in the public all day chatting  it up with all the awesome people I see at The Wedge.

When I was little as an only child and a latch key kid I had too much quiet time. I look back on some of my time growing up and cringe at the loneliness I felt. But I also began developing skills to keep me busy like knitting and cooking, then the quiet wasn’t so bad. After puberty and the undiagnosed PMDD set in I became a bit manic. And spent many, many years desperately needing to stay busy and unfortunately I didn’t make the best choices in how I kept myself occupied. After the realization that my hormones were indeed out of control and causing this mania and steps were taken to help myself I could make better choices on how I spent my time and developed a nice balance of quiet and social time.

I am grateful that my old friends understand accept that I am who I am and it has nothing to do with them. Being at The Wedge has introduced me to a lot of new friends who I have tried to be honest with about my personalities and quirks. Call it self preservation, selfishness, call me a weirdo, call it whatever you want but it is just ME so don’t take it personally please.  xoxo

Disheartened

September 3, 2015 | life, pets | Permalink

EeyoreI am feeling a bit disheartened this morning.

I am not sure if I am an overachiever, have ADD, obsessive compulsive, a fool or what. I KNOW I have the tendency to take on way to much. But I cannot help it, my brain never stops. Ever. That’s why I sleep with the TV on, so I can’t think. What sucks about my personality is that I cannot focus on one thing all the time. I can’t say, for example, “I am an artist and this is my medium”. I can’t nail down anything and give it 100%. My mom used to call me Harriet Half Ass when I was little and I can see why. I always, always bite off more than I can chew. And then I am like WTH have I gotten myself into. It doesn’t help me either when someone lectures me on why I should not have gotten myself into this that and the other. It doesn’t help when they say, you need to learn how to relax, you need to do thiiiis, you need to do thaaaaaat. You don’t need to do what you are doing. All that does is make me angry, want to prove you wrong, all you are doing is fanning my fire and pushing me away. What people don’t understand is that it I am me and you are you. I cannot help the way I am, I was born this way. This is probably why I used to drink so much. Sometimes I think drinking is a viable alternative. Then I could sit around and do nothing because I would be incapacitated, but alas it makes me sick and I cannot. If I was still a drinker of that level I would be dead, I know this for a fact. Probably the biggest problem with myself back then is that I was stifling my true self and I knew it deep inside which would make me depressed and not want to live. But this is not where I intended this post to go. Let me get back on track.

First off I usually have a reason for why I bite off more than I can chew. Well, most of the time. I bought a house because I needed a place to live and wanted 4 walls of my own and a yard for my dog(s). Luckily Chris came along at the right time and has helped me maintain this situation. Without him I wouldn’t have the nice home that I have now. Then you have the business. I was very unhappy in the situation I was in and needed a change. My mom suggested I go into business,  I met Barbara and the rest is history. So these two things are a necessity….roof over head and a job. Everyone has to have that and a lot of people are satisfied with just that. I sometimes wish I was that way but as he old saying goes…wish in one hand shit in the other. I don’t think this is what the universe has in mind for me.

Being an artist is a constant struggle. I have to make stuff, there are no if ands or butts about that. Every time I say…OK this is it, this is what I am going to do and only this…oh look a squirrel. I mosaic a ceiling, build a wall, buy a bunch of stuff to learn how toooooo make jewelry, sculpy, watercolors…..blah blah blah.

But then I need cash flow. I am an independent woman with a husband who excepts that and is also not in a position to support me 100%. I do not, ever, never ask for money from my family. Ever. I threw up a little just now thinking of that. Asking dad or Popooh for money would be admitting defeat. I’d have to be loosing my house or have a terminal illness before I asked them for anything. So, I have a great house, the business, the husband and the dogs and I AM happy with these things even though I might not seem to be. I am happy and don’t want to interfere with them but I need money. (another blog post “no I am not a millionaire after two years in business, I am in debt). OK, I don’t want to do anything that takes away from said biz, man, pups…I am creative so lets make something that can earn this moolah…I have to be making something at all times anyways, might as well make something that folks want to buy. So that is where I am now, attempting to come up with creative designs to put on towels and coasters to sell to my biz, other businesses, and on Etsy. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s like work. Hopefully I will come up with a line of things that I am satisfied with and will provide the extra income I need.

Theeeeeen we have the dogs.

11899862_10206224482524309_1399496270650637802_nThis is what started this whole whooooa as me blog post. That I suddenly feel like I am wallowing in self pity because I am a scattered, broke dork who is whining away at her first world problems. But hey, this is where blogging is therapeutic, lets me observe my situation from another angle. Aaaaannnyways back to my whining.

  I had school with Frank last night. You see, I have 4 dogs of varying degrees of badness. Sadie is the oldest, had to get her when Petey died so Johnny B had a friend and to fill that hole in my heart after loosing her. Al, he just wandered up, so I actually didn’t seek him out even though the universe knew I’d like another small dog because JB was getting old and Sadie would be lonely without him. OK, JB dies it’s Sadie and Al, who are really good, chill dogs. A few minor issues but all in all great, well mannered companions. So here is where I probably bit off more than I could chew….Frank. But in my defense I felt it baaaaaad that he needed to come live with us, kind of like baby fever I suppose. I look into his eyes and I know I have made the right decision. He is an awesome dog, full of love and joy. But he is young and a terrier and always up to no good. OK, now lets bite off even moooore, lets get him a friend because the other two don’t pay him much mind. Here comes Mae. Who is equally as awesome as the rest of them and even though she is ill tempered with others she is fairly well behaved (minus a little naughtiness here and there, like TABLE surfing) and that is what makes me realize Oh Hell, what have I done. Frank is bad and I feel like I am out numbered and out of control, it’s a doggie free for all here in the Solanto house.  I decided to take Frank to school. Week 5 was last night. This morning I have been moping around the house because I feel like I am failing him. He is a smart dog who is eager to please. He could excel in training if I was better. I am struggling with the commands combined with this hand, that foot. You really have to know your left and rights and have to have your timing down so the dog can learn. I love, love, love my teacher and she is trying her best to help us help our dogs. I feel like I am failing miserably, like I am spread so thin with other obligations that I am not doing him justice. I am failing him. I am not dedicating the time that is needed to succeed…because I have bitten off more than I can chew. Frank and Mae are energetic dogs and it is relaxing for me to walk in the state park and at the beach…relaxing if the dogs behave that is. I am having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel this morning. Having a hard time seeing Frank and Mae well behaved dogs walking TOGETHER on a leash and not acting out. Mae is good on her own, but Frank is not and together he gets her riled up and she becomes bad. I don’t want to ruin all the work Jessica (foster mom) put in with her and I want to give her the life she deserves.

Oy…..this is my head today…and now I am running late to pick Barbara up and drive to North Carolina together stuff for shop. Luckily the pups are all very dozy this morning and no one has requested a walk or any attention for that matter. Maybe when I started blowing my nose from the little bit of crying I did scared them all away. Yeah, told you it was a pity party…there were tears!

I am going to take my Eeyore behind and get a move on.

 

Life I Live

March 28, 2015 | life | Permalink

B1050_LoveTheLifeYouLiveLiveTheLifeYouLove

I just posted on Facebook that I was walking the line between gratitude and a complete meltdown today. This is a common occurrence on bill paying weekend, I should be used to it by now, it’s been a few years since I have had a “paycheck”. But I am glad that today I am at least walking the line and not actually having the meltdown. And I know why, it’s because I have created a wonderful life for myself. And money isn’t the solution to happiness, it helps, but is certainly not the answer.

I woke up this morning thinking that the last few days (years) have been fun times because so many of of customers and artists are becoming our friends. I love the fact that not only is this my job but it is also my social life! And a healthy one at that. Barbara and I are surrounded by positive, inspirational, like minded folks. I am not naming names because each and every one of the people we meet are awesome and I don’t want to single anyone out as being any better than the other, this is just an example of how fantastic our days pass by. We received one friends itinerary for her trip to Turkey so we can live vicariously through her travels. Another gal came in telling her that she just ran her 3rd full marathon with a friend. An artist stopped in to deliver a special order and we got to admire her new hair color, talk about her next few artistic endeavors and share with us her excitement over her next stage in life with he husband retiring from the military.

OK, now I am at work finishing up this post and yet another example of folks we have met through The Wedge becoming friends. A couple just came in armed with a camera full of pictures of the new paint color they chose for their living room and are having second thoughts. Barbara has just jumped in their car and is heading over to their house to see for herself and give her two cents. I love it!

Not only is the store itself a great place to be but so is our shopping center. We have a great relationship with our landlord. An old friend opened a restaurant across the parking lot. I get my hair done next door by one of the funniest, kindest and talented women I know. It is exciting to be making new friends with owners and employees of many of the shops in our community.

I am very grateful to be loving the life I live and living the life I love.