This may sound weird, but I am happy and I have a hard time expressing it. I can rant and rave for hours about this that and the other, but yet feel hokey saying I am happy. I mean come on, who is reeeaaallllyyyy happy? It can’t be true, you know you read other people’s posts and think they are making that sh*t up. No one is that happy. You’re convinced that that they are painting this picture perfect life that has got to be a hot mess in reality. But I swear to the universe that I AM HAPPY…and maybe still a hot mess.
I have to say I have got it going ON right now. I NEVER thought I could find happiness and contentment in life. Now I am not saying I won’t be a raging b*tch in a few hours about one thing or another, I do have PMS and my moods shift like the wind. You may also not believe that I never thought I could find contentment. I grew up a latch key kid I was very lonely, especially in the summer, undiagnosed PMDD and a long series of poor life choices had me in a whirlwind of hate and discontentment, attracting other people in that same state of mind. Granted, I have always been a self helper by reading books, trying yoga, changing my diet, attempting to exercise but inevitably returning to a place of unhappiness.
But I realize now that I look back that all of those things helped, and still help. I still read self help books, I just finished Oola For Women. I am reading my third consecutive book on using essential oils. I am back to practicing yoga and discovered I love Zumba. I enjoy cooking healthy food for my husband and I but still make a cake or other comfort foods. I listen to my body and talk with the doctor when my attempts at treating something fall short. I value myself and try every day to take care of myself. I used to want to die, I was good with death, death would mean the elusive peace I could never find. I am so very grateful that death did not come and that I made it through to find the elusive peace. That I didn’t give up, I am sort of a survivor in a sense and I am not ashamed to say it.
I find that I am continually attracting awesome people into my life. My business partner, Barbara, and I have created a job for ourselves that we love. I continue to learn new things everyday by listening to others, reading and Google. I use social media as a positive tool and hide/block/unfollow/delete anything that doesn’t inspire me or make me happy.
Do I always feel good and do the right things? #nope I didn’t go to the Y one day last week. But have already been twice this week. I have eaten blueberry cake for breakfast the last few days. I drank a few beers Saturday night, which made me cranky on Sunday. But I keep on keepin’ on. Universe, I got this. I know life won’t always be perfect but I have tools, friends, and love to help me through. Thanks y’all!