Whaaaaaaaaat, it has been almost a YEAR since I blogged, the horror. I kind of fell apart last May and I guess I just got out of the habit. But I notice that I am getting wordier and wordier on Facebook and I better just get back on over here for all this blathering. Plus two conversations this week, one of which who told me to write it down, and the other stated that people have helped her along the way and she wants to help others. This is sort of what this blog has evolved to. Me talking about how crazy I am and folks reaching out to say “Thank You, I am crazy too and I am glad I am not alone”. This post today is probably redundant to some as you already know my story, but I feel like writing it again for some who have just found me. So that being said I am going to illustrate why it is important to take a that first step. I was originally going to say Leap of Faith but that sound too scary, in retrospect it was a leap of faith when I decided to change my life, but it all started with one step, one foot in front of the other, until 16 or so years later I am living my dream, happy, healthy and relatively sane (more on THAT another day). Today I am going to summarize (or try, you know I like to “talk”) this journey. I think it helps put in in perspective for those who think they can’t do it. You CAN, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Late 20′s – I am not happy with the way my life is going. I am drinking too much, partying too much, not taking care of myself. I was manic, depressed and often suicidal. I need to step away from my “scene”. I was having doubts that the folks I spent all my time with were really my friends. I figured I would adjust my life accordingly and if they were still my friends they would stick around. Most of them didn’t. This was also the beginning of a permanent rift with a loved one, but I was drowning and I needed to change. First step is becoming aware that change is needed. Second step is willing to walk away from your “comfort” zone and accept that you might need to make new friends.
30′s – My dad offers me a job. I took it. Why not, what do I have to lose this is just another step. Then he convinces me to buy a house, well he wanted me to get a condo or something more manageable for a single woman. That’s not how I roll though, I wanted a house. 4 walls and a yard for my dog. The week I am closing on said house I run into a friend who needs to move, “hey move in with me”. This would be my husband of almost 12 years now. This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t keep stepping, occasionally leaping, the house was definitely a leap. Looking back on it I would have really struggled to keep up with all of this if I were alone. But when Chris was still just my friend and I was shopping for a home he told me that if any chick could own and manage a house it would be me, he has always had faith in me.
So I am still a bit manic with bouts of depression. I am not drinking regularly but binging when I do and it s really taking it’s toll on me. Eventually I go to a new doctor and get diagnosed with PMDD and get on good combo of birth control and anti depressants! Holy Moly my life took a turn for the best, why in the hell did I not do this sooner?! With this I tell you DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP! There is no shame in admitting that you need it, that you can’t do it alone. You do not have to, help is there you just have to take that STEP. But let me add that you may have to take a few steps, you may not like that doctor, or the meds didn’t work, don’t give up, get a new doctor or change your meds.
40′s – Ok, so now I am doing great! I am not thinking about axing myself on a regular basis, I am creating art, I am married, have multiple dogs and I start doing art and craft shows. Get up with a group of ladies and craft once a month ( I know I have written a really good post on this but can’t find it right this minute to link). Now I am learning new skill sets, making NEW friends. My self confidence is growing and I take another leap and decide to leave the security of my dad’s business and out on my own (and my BFF Barbara). We still took this one step at a time though. 1. Hey let’s go into business. 2. Come up with a rough idea of what we want to do, get an LLC and so on. It is all a series of small steps that make something huge, beautiful and magical. We have been open for 4 years.
Is life always perfect? Nope. I still get low but I recover. I am still learning everyday how to be a better person. Am I always the person I strive to be? Nope. But I keep going. And as I go I continually meet and/or reconnect with people that help me along this journey of life. Each person is more amazing than the next. I am so grateful for them and I surely hope I can also be of help to others…so I will continue to write. Holler if you need me!